Yizkor is for all Jews

A tough superstition to overcome

Yizkor is for all Jews

Just this past Yom Kippur I attended a service affiliated with my synagogue. I have been attending synagogue on my own for the past three years since my wife passed away. It’s never been the same without her, but I do my best. The “problem” for me this year came. when it was time to say Yizkor.   When it was announced that we would turn to the page for Yizkor about 75% of the room made for the exits as though the Malekhet Movet (the angel of death) himself was chasing them out of the room.

For many years now it has been a long-held superstition that if one’s parents were still alive that when it came time in the service for Yizkor that you should go outside at this time and not come back until the completion of Yizkor. I clearly remember my mother telling me to go outside and play with my friends as I should not be in the sanctuary, etc.

I often wondered just what went on during the Yizkor service that warranted my non-presence. Was it some secret ritual that I should not know about? I certainly understood the connection to death and Yizkor’s relation to my family. Death had been something that I grew up with, so it was not anything new for me.

Well fast forward to this century and both my parents dying in the same year. I was now “qualified” to pray Yizkor for the rest of my life. It became a set of prayers that I gave much respect to. And as time progressed other family and friends were added to my Yizkor prayers. When my sister died, I had to use the “prayer for a woman” section to address her soul. Three years ago, Yizkor went from being very personal to extremely personal and painful as my wife passed away. Fortunately, there is a section for spouse and do not have to use a “generic” prayer.

But most prayer books, if not all, have prayers for a man, woman, and Jewish Martyrs. So, within the Yizkor service there is an opportunity to recite a prayer for other relatives, friends, et.al. Yizkor is not exclusive to those of us who “qualify” to pray it, all Jews can participate in the service. As a matter of fact, having other congregants remain in the room with we mourners would provide us with a measure of comfort and dare I say, solidarity.

There is one last important point to make and that is the root of the word Yizkor, Zachar, remembrance.  Isn’t there an obligation for we Jews to remember, both personally and historically?  And I am not just referring to the Holocaust, but prior to that in all the millennia of existence as a people. 

Perhaps that when you are in a synagogue or even outside of one, when that moment comes for the Yizkor service you will not bow to superstition.  I can assure those that have been leaving their synagogues at Yizkor that if you decide to stay no angel of death will alight on you nor will any misfortune originate from your having attended Yizkor. In my opinion the exact opposite will be done, i.e., that you will have done a mitzvah for all of us.