Does it really get better?

The progression of time and grieving

Since my wife Marion passed away almost three years ago, I have heard from some fellow widowed people that with the passage of time it gets better. But my question in response is just how do you define better? What could be meant by that is that the “heavy” grief that we carry around with ourselves somehow loses its “weight” with time, etc.

I do not think that I can disagree with that as I can say that a portion of the grief, I had borne in the past few years has alleviated some. To return to an earlier theme of mine – what does not go away is the void that is with you. But you will still have the void with you, your relationship will not seem so constant, i.e., continually there. It is that relationship that we cannot see but feel.

This time of year (on both the civil and Jewish calendars) is a particularly challenging time for me. Three years ago, Marion’s suffering with her Glioblastoma happened and then eventually her death. The holidays of Passover and Shavuot kind of form bookends to this period for me. In addition to the anniversary of her death (yahrzeit) May 1 is our anniversary, and this year would be forty years.

The operative term is better to tell you the truth. However, it is more a case of knowing how to live with your void as opposed to the beginning. So, we can say that it is a matter of learning over time how to keep our spouses in our hearts and minds yet moving forward with living our lives.